What is temperament? Where do the temperament traits come from?
How do temperament traits affect parents?
How do I accommodate a child with a totally different temperament than myself?
Does gender influence temperament?
Does birth order affect temperament?
What is the relationship between temperament and learning disabilities or mental illness?
How can understanding temperament improve family life?
What is temperament? Where do the temperament traits come from?
Temperament is a largely genetically determined set of traits that remain unchanged from birth throughout one’s life. From infancy, a child’s temperament can be observed and identified. These traits are largely unchanged throughout life.
Temperament refers to a set of nine traits (although different studies may vary the names or numbers slightly), that are the foundation of a person’s approach to the world. These traits are found uniformly in all children across all cultures. Since it is unchangeable, understanding temperament is essential to knowing how best to approach your child.
Doesn’t this conflict with the view that nurture vs. nature is the determinant of anyone’s success in life?
In many cases, it is reassuring that it is not totally the environment that we provide children that determines their outcome. Temperament is the foundation we are born with, while other factors such as culture, family, parents, schooling, environment and life experiences can influence and moderate those basic traits.
How do temperament traits affect parents?
Parents, like children, also differ in temperament. Some are quick reacting and intense, while others are quiet and slow to respond; some are flexible and adaptable, others are not. The “mix” between both parents and their child has a strong effect on family life, sometimes leading to positive interactions, sometimes to frustrations and sometimes resulting in conflict. While some infants are mild and joyful, others are irritable and cry persistently. Easy babies are so pleasant to care for so they may receive loads of attention and loving. The fussy, spirited child, on the other hand, may scream and kick and make it difficult for you to nurture. This is a striking reality for some parents who have an easy baby followed by a feisty one (or vice versa).
It can be a relief to know that you and your child differ on a number of temperament traits and that this can not be changed. Instead, it helps you see the need to adapt to your child. By doing so, you will be a better parent with less stress, knowing that this child is not trying to “push your buttons” but rather being their own person. It is your role to help everyone adjust to each other’s differences.
How do I accommodate a child with a totally different temperament than myself?
This leads to the notion of “goodness of fit,” which can be a useful framework for helping parents figure out how temperament affects relationships in the family. “Goodness of fit” refers to the match or mismatch between a child and other family members. For example, a high-activity, intense child may upset and irritate a quiet, slow-paced, reflective parent. An active, quick-responding parent may be impatient with a slow-to-warm-up child, whom the parent may see as lazy or indifferent. Sparks may fly when both parent and child are intense and quick responding. Life in a family is not the same for all children, and temperament is one of the key ingredients in the “fit” between child and family.
Does gender influence temperament?
The research does not have a definitive answer to this. Given much of our thinking and behaviour is determined by gender, it is hard to separate this from other issues. Parents traditionally have different expectations about their children’s behaviour and how they will tolerate certain traits, depending on gender. For instance, a cluster of temperament traits, such as high activity, intensity and persistence may be tolerated and valued in boys but not in girls. Conversely, shyness and sensitivity may be viewed as normal for girls, but not for boys. Are there true gender differences or just cultural biases? As yet, there are no clear answers.
Does birth order affect temperament?
Many parents wonder whether their child is demanding or fearful or has some other temperament characteristics simply because the child was first born. Or the last baby. Or in between. Were parents too anxious, too ready to give attention to their first child? Too slow to allow independence to their final baby? Too busy with the first and last child to pay enough attention to the middle one?
Research has not found a link between birth order and a child’s temperament, however, the mix of temperament, with the goodness-of-fit between the child's initial temperament and the parenting style can be a factor that is influenced by the child’s birth order.
The inexperience of parents of first-borns may make them more anxious and willing to get up repeatedly at night. Research shows first born children receive an extra 3200 hours of time with a parent than any additional children. Or the fear of loss of the parenting role may make parents of the "last baby" more willing to nurture traits such as low first reaction by encouraging their child to stay close to them if they are nervous in a new situation.
What is the relationship between temperament and learning disabilities or mental illness?
Individual differences in temperament can be especially important when a child has special needs. A child with learning disabilities or a mental illness, often presents extra demands for parents and siblings, which upset the routines of family life, such as continuing visits to school to meet with teachers, to say nothing of needs for supervision and intervention in squabbles with siblings. It is easier for a parent to respond to extra demands when a child is positive in mood, adaptable, and approaching, than when he is negative, withdrawing, and easily irritated. As is the case with all children, the interactions between a child with special needs and his parents and siblings are affected by his temperament, especially when there is a poor “fit” between a child’s temperament and the family environment.
It is important for parents to understand that there is no single temperament profile that characterizes children with special needs. Like other children, this child has his/her own unique and individual temperament. This is not to imply that special needs and temperament may not overlap, because in many instances there are similarities between the signs of learning disabilities or mental health issues and the characteristics of difficult temperaments, especially in traits of distractibility, intensity, and low persistence. Too often, however, temperament characteristics of a child with special needs are assumed to be part of the diagnosis itself, rather than an individual variation in behavioral style. This confusion tends to over-emphasize the idea of disability, and overlooks the individuality of a child with special needs. When you can see and interpret a child’s behavior through a temperament “lens” it helps you sort out the differences.
How can understanding temperament improve family life?
Understanding your child’s temperament provides a fresh way of thinking about child and family relationships. First, it reframes how you interpret your child’s behavior and affects the way you think about the reasons for his behavior. For example, you might view an active, energetic, and approaching child who is into everything as “exuberant,” rather than as “hyper” and “intrusive”. Or you might see a shy and slow-to-warm-up child as “sensitive” and thoughtful, rather than as unfriendly and unmotivated. Your response as a parent is affected by how you interpret your child’s behavior. For example, if you see disruptive behavior as purposeful, you are apt to be irritated, even angry, and to respond negatively or punitively. When you see your child’s behavior as temperament-related rather than as due to willful misbehavior, you can reduce your negative reactions.
Second, it is important to emphasize that thinking in temperament terms does not excuse a child’s unacceptable behavior, but does provide direction for responding to it. As parents often learn, many small accommodations in family life can reduce tensions. A slow-paced child may need extra time in the mornings to get ready for school and to “dawdle” over breakfast. By providing an extra half an hour in the morning for this child, rather than continual reminders to “hurry up,” can be a small price to pay for a peaceful time before school. A highly persistent child who is deeply involved in a drawing project may need to be reminded several times at regular intervals that the dinner hour or bedtime is close.
Third, thinking about your child’s behavior through the lens of temperament helps you anticipate when and where there are apt to be problems. The old adage that forewarned is forearmed is relevant here. A shy and Slow-to-warm-up child does not like surprises or sudden changes in routines. He is comfortable when the daily routines of family life are orderly and consistent, and he needs time to adapt when those routines are upset. A change in a parent’s work schedule, a new babysitter, even a change in the time to eat dinner can be stressful. A Slow-to-warm-up child is more comfortable when he knows ahead of time what changes will occur, and when, and when he is given time to adapt. Similarly, if you can anticipate when and where a highly active, intense, and distractible child will have problems, you can reduce the likelihood of negative outbursts. A long car trip without frequent stops and interesting activities has a high probability of leading to problem behavior. Planning ahead is especially important when traveling with a child with this kind of temperament.
Family life is made up of countless, continuing interactions which affect the quality of our daily lives. Individual differences in temperament among family members are important factors in determining whether those interactions are positive and pleasant or “rocky” and stressful. So, as a parent, it is important to recognize individual differences in your child’s temperament and to help him understand the impact of his temperament on other family members. It is also important that you know yourself and recognize your own unique temperament, and that you are aware how your behavioral style affects daily life in your family. Awareness of individual differences in temperament provides a positive way to prevent and manage problems that can result from a mismatch of behavioral styles within your family.
